once again

Once again I come to a place where I find myself surrounded by people in groups that I've coerced my way into. Was I ever welcome? Am I just being self-servingly self-depricating? I'm tired of forced friendships where the "friends" don't really consider me as much. Maybe this all comes from frustrations I have with some of my students. Maybe I'm unable to deal with those situations in my head and then externally in a way that I know would be pleasing to the Lord; so I internalize the issues, grow more and more frustrated, and less and less truly concerned about students as individuals that the Lord loves. Oh, how I need that sweet, sweet reminder that I am just as "frustrating" to God (not that He actually gets frustrated); but He loves, provides, protects, teaches, grows, and blesses me in so many facets of my life that I don't have words to describe, and I'm sure there are ways that I don't even know. This is a trial. Will I endure? Will I persevere? Will I receive the good gifts that come down from the Father of lights, such as wisdom? Will I be joyous that I know He's still sovereign, still in control? *Lord, help me to be that way. Forgive my arrogance in taking your place as judge, trying to decide what is best for me without Your input. Change my heart, O God; make it ever true. Change my heart, O God; may I be like You! And once again I look upon the cross where You died; I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside. Once again I thank You; once again I pour out my life. Thank You for the cross, my Friend.*